What Kind of Wife?

We live in a society that tells us certain things about our roles as men and women, but more specifically as husband and wife. If you turn on your favorite streaming device you’ll find shows, from kid’s cartoons to adult dramas, that give the husband and wife particular roles.

Let me set it up for you. The husband is usually portrayed as a dimwit. He always makes mistakes, isn’t very smart, and never crosses his wife or her opinion. He has no idea how to take care of his own kids and needs his wife to rescue him from them. The wife is usually characterized as being strong, independent, career oriented, and is most definitely the head of the household, all the while thinking her husband is an idiot. Friends, these are not the roles God intended for us as couples and partners.

The Bible has plenty to say about our roles as husband and wife, but unfortunately a lot of people…maybe even you…don’t like what it has to say. Friends, we have been being trained for years to accept and embrace the scenario of men and women that I mentioned above. This is not God’s plan. He, very specifically, gives us his plan, though, if we will dive into his word.

So what is the man’s role in the family?

1. He is to be the head of the household (Ephesians 5:23)

2. He is to be the provider for his family (1 Timothy 5:8)

3. He is to love and lead his wife sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25)

4. He is to disciple his children. (Ephesians 6:4)

The woman’s role in the family is:

1. She is to submit to her husband’s authority. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

2. She is to be the keeper of the home. (Titus 2:5)

3. She is to take care of the needs of her family. (Proverbs 31:15)

4. She is to train young women to be godly wives/mothers. (Titus 2:3-5)

Today I will be focusing on the woman’s role in the family and how we can exhibit the above list in our households.

In a perfect world, the above list would make perfect sense and be easy to follow…but we live in a broken and fallen world. In fact, God told us this would be hard work way back in Genesis 3:16-19. God told Eve that “[her] desire shall be contrary to [her] husband, but he shall rule over [her]” What this means is that there will be an ongoing struggle between women and men for leadership in the marriage relationship. What God intended for our marriage was horribly skewed and broken. This is the curse we suffer from even today.

Submit and Obey - As women we naturally want to be in control (see Genesis 3:16). We might burr up inside when we hear “submit and obey”. We might even get offended or resentful that it’s our job to take care of our husband and kids, to keep and manage the home or to feed all the mouths in our home three times a day. I’ve been there…that’s been me, but let me tell you NOT doing the things we are called to, by the Lord…is sin. I’ll even take it a step further and say that doing those things, with a bitter heart, is also sin.

In some situations it may be easy to submit to your husband. If he’s treating you kindly and leading you well then sure, submitting willingly comes easily. But what if he is apathetic, or lazy, or mean or maybe he’s not even a believer? What do you do then? You pray for strength. You obey God and you STILL SUBMIT. 1 Peter 2:3-5 is specifically talking to women whose husbands are not believers. It tells them to win their husbands with their conduct and without a word. For those of us whose husbands are believers, it’s reasonable to think that we can go to our husbands with our concerns. After all, they have the holy spirit within them and should be willing to discuss those matters with us. Whatever the situation, the approaches mentioned are way more effective in seeing changes in your husband as opposed to being a nagging wife. Proverbs 21:9 tells us it is better for a husband to live on the corner of a roof than with a quarrelsome wife.

Remember that because God has commanded submission, you are ultimately submitting to and obeying God when you submit to your husband.

Keeper of the Home - This is an unpopular sentiment but it IS our jobs as wives and mothers to be keepers of the home. It is our responsibility to keep a clean and tidy house, put good meals on the table for our families, manage the home, and keep things running smoothly. This does NOT mean you have to have an Instagram, picture perfect home. Instead, it means that you need to be faithfully taking care of whatever it is that God has given you, whether it be a tiny apartment or a huge house in a nice subdivision. The key to being a faithful and joyful keeper of your home is contentment. Be grateful for whatever it is that God has blessed you with, take pride in it, take care of it, and make it your own.

You have probably heard the saying “Men make houses, Women make homes.” This is so true. No matter what space has been given to them it seems that a woman can always turn a cold empty house into a warm inviting home. There are many ways we can make a house a home, but there isn’t a tried and true method. I like to do this by keeping my house neat and organized, diffusing essential oils or lighting candles, and decorating, with beauty, in a warm and inviting style, to name a few.

Taking Care of the Needs of Her Family- Taking care of your family is essential. This is worked out in many different ways and can, in ways, look different for each family. The basics should be similar for all families though.

First of all, you should be feeding your family well. I’m not talking about putting a seven course meal on the table every night or even ever. What I am saying is that you should be making sure your family has something good and healthy to eat at every meal. For me this looks like making meals 3 times a day and or making sure there are adequate leftovers for my family to enjoy. You also need to make sure your family is well clothed. This means that they have clothes and shoes that fit well and are appropriate for all seasons and occasions. Other ways you can take care of the needs of your family might have to do with the education you choose for your children. We chose pretty early on to homeschool our children. This is a decision that I have never regretted and would do it again in a heartbeat. There are also other options if you are looking for education with a biblical worldview. My children did attend a couple of christian schools for a few years and we were happy with that option as well. Another decision you will have to make is what activities you do or don’t allow your kids to be involved in, such as sleepovers or parties. Another is the work you require them to do, such as chores or working outside of the home. Lastly, you will have to decide the way you allow them to interact with technology, phone or no phone. These are just a few scenarios you will face when taking care of the needs of your kids. But what about husbands?

My husband is a hard worker. At the time I am writing this, he has three jobs. He works construction, we own a coffee roasting business, and he is the pastor of our Reformed Baptist Church. I try my best to make our home a warm and inviting sanctuary for my husband. I make his favorite meals when I can, get his lunch ready in the mornings before work, manage the home in a way that he doesn’t have to worry about the details, and make sure there is plenty of intimacy between us. I can honestly say that our marriage is such a blessing to both of us. We genuinely enjoy one another and I am happy to help make his life a little easier.

Training Young Women- In Titus 2:3-5 we see the charge to older women to teach younger women to “teach what is good” and to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands.” First of all, I would like to emphasize that EVERY woman is an older woman to someone! This means none of us are exempt from this calling. But…how exactly does this play out? In one word…discipleship.

Discipling younger women should be a priority in your life even if you are in a busy season. This can look many different ways. I disciple 2 younger women in my church (who I affectionately call “my girls”) and I am discipled by an older woman as well. Each of these relationships look different. In all of them, there is an aspect of studying scripture and discussing it which is essential. On the other hand, the practical aspect of each relationship has its own unique outworking. For instance, with one of my girls, we do a lot of things together that need to be done anyway. As we talk through life and scripture, I might be holding her baby as she makes formula or we may be out on a run to get seeds for our gardens or making our monthly trip to the big warehouse club store.

Discipleship relationships should fit right in with your natural life rhythms. If you are in a busy season with young children, invite younger women to come into your home and talk while you fold the laundry, or make lunch, or clean the house. This is a good example for the younger lady in your life of what it looks like to be a keeper of the home.

For older women, and I’m including myself here, be a help to the younger ladies in your life. More than likely, they are in the throws of motherhood with little ones running around. You can help with the kiddos while she does chores around the house or help her by pitching in and teaching the little ones to be a good help to their mama.

Some of you might be thinking that submitting, taking care of your family, and training younger women is a tall order. For me, if I do these things with a cheerful heart, they are very fulfilling and freeing duties that I am privileged to be a part of. Unfortunately I’m not always cheerful about them. There are days when I just don’t want to cook, or sweep the floor, or submit, or disciple, but those days are starting to be few and far between because I am choosing to rejoice in the Lord for those things. A prayer while I’m sweeping might be, “Thank you Lord for a roof over my head and a floor that gets dirty because it is full of people I love.” This attitude helps me keep things in perspective and helps me have a joyful heart. The things above are commanded by God. We know by His Word that He doesn’t make mistakes and He has the best plan for each of us. Allow yourself to lean into these duties with a contented heart. He does all things for our good and for His glory.

--Kassy